


Nat and Y/N’s Venomous Playlist

by blissfullylostinarabbithole



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Mentions of Sex, Some Swearing, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2018-10-28 16:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10835106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blissfullylostinarabbithole/pseuds/blissfullylostinarabbithole
Summary: You meet Natalia for the first time, too bad it’s for a fight to the death.**** I think I was able to fix it!!! ****





	1. Track 1- I Will Be the End of You

**Author's Note:**

> So basically, I was making dinner and put HIM on shuffle. At one point, these songs played in order and a little story popped in my head. Parts are loosely based on the songs they’re titled after. *Changes from source material made to suit the fic*
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> I Will Be the End of You by HIM
> 
> Love's screaming, "I will be the end of you!"  
> And I'm pleading, "Don't you stop now.  
> Go on and tear me apart, Show me all you have got  
> And I will be So free."

You weren’t sure who the new spectators were, but it didn’t matter. You almost always had an audience, and that wasn’t about to change. Once the fight starts, everyone disappears anyway. They have to when a loss would lead to your death. Even so, you couldn’t deny that something was off. Your evaluation was moved up two months; two months  cut short from the lives of the rest of your division.

That was your fifth group. If this fight turned out well for you, you’d be joining your sixth, and eventually you’d fight them all to the death as well. You knew how this went; in the end, there was only one. You looked over at the new people on the observation deck as you waited for your opponent. One voice in particular kept overtaking the others. The owner carried himself as if he were the most important person in the world.

“Poncy bastard.” you muttered. A quick movement beside the man caught your attention. You looked and saw that someone’s eyes were on you. You took in his appearance and, unflinching from his steely gaze, you noticed his metal arm. You’d heard of the Winter Soldier, of course. He came by from time to time to help train some of the better girls. Apparently, the rumors of his having enhanced senses were true, since he seemed to have heard your comment. “Soldier.” you greeted quietly, bowing your head in respect.

He took you in for a moment, getting a read on you, and offered you a nod in return before turning his attention back to the others. You glanced at the clock and saw you had ten minutes before your opponent arrived, so you began moving. As you warmed up and stretched, you thought about your upcoming fight. You’d heard a lot about Natalia during your time in the Red Room, and thought it was a shame that this would be the first and only time you’d meet. She held the record for the quickest takedowns. You held a record, too; most takedowns with the fewest hits. Needless to say, you had your work cut out for you.

You wondered if maybe that’s why the Soldier was there. But then, what about the others? Perhaps they wanted to hire someone for a job? Why not go for the higher ranking girls, then? Yes, something was definitely off. The door opened, drawing everyone’s attention. You nearly felt your heart stop. You’d heard a lot about Natalia, but nothing you’d heard could have prepared you for how absolutely beautiful she was.

“Finally!” the annoying man’s voice called out.

Natalia’s head whipped toward the observation area and furrowed her brow, quickly composing herself and focusing on you. You gave a slight shrug and head shake, letting her know you were just as confused as she was. Her lip twitched, her subtle way of offering a smile.


	2. Track 2 - Resurrection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finish her!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically, I was making dinner and put HIM on shuffle. At one point, these songs played in order and a little story popped in my head. Parts are loosely based on the songs they’re titled after. *Changes from source material made to suit the fic*
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Resurrection by HIM
> 
> You smiled like an angel (fallen from grace)  
> We've been slaves to this love From the moment we touched  
> And keep begging for more Of this resurrection

The fight was an exhausting one. You usually tired your opponent out before you even broke a sweat, but it was different this time. Natalia was quicker than the other girls you’d fought, but she was equally surprised when you were able to dodge her blows. She caught on to your tactics fairly quickly, and adapted as well as she could. You too, adapted to her style, landing most of your sparse hits.

Throughout the fight, the man would not shut up, annoying Natalia as much as he’d annoyed you. The man cackled when she found the knife and used it to graze your side. You snorted when she grumbled irritably, not at you for mostly evading her attack, but at the man you both wanted to get your hands on.

Though he was amused for most of the fight, he eventually grew frustrated with how long it was taking. You had a cracked rib and a limp, while she had bruised kidneys and a broken nose. Still, neither of you showed signs of slowing down.

“This is ridiculous! Someone needs to die soon.” the voice carried. As you flipped her on her back and held her down with your knee on her throat, the man called out, “Catch, sweetheart!” You looked up in time to catch the gun he’d tossed. “Get to it! I have a very important meeting I need to get to!” You growled and Natalia struggled harder under your weight. “Now, girl!” he barked.

You let out an exasperated yell and turned the man’s own weapon on him, not hesitating in pulling the trigger. The blast echoed and the room went silent. Even Natalia stilled beneath you. The man gaped at you, for once being left speechless. In front of where his heart was, was a metal fist. Without lowering the weapon, your eyes found those of the Soldier. He was smirking at you.

His face hardened and he turned to the man. “I won’t stop the next one,” he warned.

“That’s enough!” one of the new people called. He stood and left the room, immediately followed by the now trembling man, and the other unknown people.

The director leaned over the railing to address you, “Ladies, you may go the the infirmary.” and swiftly left the room.

“Good work.” the Soldier spoke, giving you another nod before following the others.

You looked down at Natalia, not realizing you still had her pinned. She took a deep breath and coughed a bit when you released her. You offered your hand, which she took gratefully, and helped her up.

“What was that about?” she asked.

“I don’t know… did you recognize any of them?”

“Other than the Soldier? No.”

You walked silently to the infirmary, her keeping pace with you. She allowed you to help her when you were left alone in the room, but out in the halls, you couldn’t afford to appear weak, so she didn’t offer any assistance for your limp. 

The silence was broken by her soft giggles. You turned to her, raising a brow. “The look on that pompous ass’ face was priceless.” You smiled widely, which she returned with a blush. Even when she was swollen, bruised, and covered in blood, she was stunning. And you’d made her laugh.


	3. Track 3- Funeral of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Natalia caught your eye, you’ve caught someone else’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically, I was making dinner and put HIM on shuffle. At one point, these songs played in order and a little story popped in my head. Parts are loosely based on the songs they’re titled after. *Changes from source material made to suit the fic*
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Funeral of Hearts by HIM
> 
> Love’s the funeral of hearts And an ode for cruelty  
> When angels cry blood On flowers of evil in bloom  
> The funeral of hearts And a plea for mercy  
> When love is a gun Separating me from you

Both you and Natalia were given a week in the infirmary. You spent all that time together, never seeing anyone except the doctors. It unnerved you at first, wondering why they were waiting to address what happened in the fight, but that didn’t last. Natalia was certain neither of you would be killed, because it didn’t make sense for them to waste the resources if they planned to. By the third day, you decided to use the time between then and your next evaluation to make an escape plan.

“Where do you wanna go? Once we’re free, I mean,” she asked, lying beside you.

“Paris. I want to climb the bell tower at Notre Dame. You?”

“La ciudad de Cádiz,” _(The city of Cádiz)_ she threw her arms up dramatically.

“Que belleza,” _(What a beauty)_ you sighed.

“Como tú.” _(Like you)_ She looked over at you, her bashful smile matching your own as she tentatively leaned in for a kiss.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

You knew someone was in your room before you walked in. You figured it was one of the director’s guards, about to take you to face your punishment for the stunt you pulled. You weren’t expecting the director himself to be in your room, having two others in tow. Sitting on your bed, was the unknown man who’d called off the fight, and standing in the corner, was the Soldier.

“L/N,” the director addressed curtly.

“Sir.”

“This is Seth Voelker,” he gestured to the man on your bed.

“That was an incredible display of agility,” Voelker praised. “I’m looking for someone with your ability to move and think quickly to join my team.”

The director didn’t give you any time to respond, “You leave tonight.”

“What’s going to happen to Na- Romanova?” you blurted.

“That’s none of your concern,” he stressed as he walked out.

“Welcome to the Serpent Society, Miss L/N.” Voelker shook your hand and left you to pack.

“The Serpent… what?” You met the Soldier’s stormy eyes as he approached.

“It seems the little spider is actually a snake charmer,” he teased before he, too, made to leave the room. He paused at the door, tapping his fingers against the frame. He turned to face you, “The other girl… she’ll continue her training. She’ll be fine, for now.”

You breathed a sigh a relief. “Thank you.” He nodded, and shut the door behind him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Natalia was on her way to meet the new group she’d be training with, looking forward to seeing you. As you’d both be in the same group, finding time to plan your getaway would be easy. She had complete faith that no one would stand a chance against the two of you.

You quickly packed your few belongings and left your room, intent on finding her to tell her the news, but were met with guards outside your door. Two held you by the arms as another grabbed your bag, and they led you to where Voelker was waiting. He never said another word. He just turned, and you were meant to follow. You looked around frantically, and saw her making her way across toward the training rooms.

“Natalia!” you called, the desperation was unmistakable.

Her whole body whipped around, ready to leap into action at whatever had you sounding so distressed. She saw the armed guard surrounding you and froze, the horror she felt at watching you be led away evident on her face.

“Romanova!” a trainer scolded, forcing her attention from you. She took one last look at you, shedding all traces of emotion from her face as she turned away.

“Natalia?” she never looked back; never saw the way your heart broke at the sight of her walking away from you forever.


	4. Track 4 - Heaven Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A contract brings you face to face with someone from your past.
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Heaven Tonight by HIM
> 
> Your eyes have lost their light  
> Your eyes have lost their light and you’re empty  
> Oh my God you’re so empty (I’m in love with you)  
> You are my heaven tonight

“Hey there, Soldier!” you greeted, happy to see a familiar face. It had been years since you last saw him, but you’d never forget the only person who showed you kindness in the Red Room. He only stared at you blankly. You remembered what Sidewinder told you about how Hydra operates, and your heart immediately went out to the man before you. You offered your hand, “I’m Cascabel. Ready for our mission?” you asked kindly.

He scrutinized you for a moment before warily taking your hand in a short, firm shake. He gave you a nod and turned back toward the tarmac to wait for the jet. You heard a rumbling sound and began to look to the sky for your ride, but found nothing. It was then that you realized it was the Soldier’s stomach making the noise. You reached into your bag and pulled out a granola bar and an apple and offered them to him.

He looked at you and your offered goods suspiciously. Sensing his doubt, you took a bite out of the apple and offered it back. He quickly took it and began devouring it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

As arduous as the mission had been, it went as smoothly as you could have hoped. The only thing left was to await extraction. The town center was a couple of blocks from the safehouse, and you were getting hungry. You turned to the Soldier, who’d situated himself in a corner, sitting as still as a mountain.

“I’m heading into town. I shouldn’t be more than half an hour. I’ll knock three times, then twice.” He gave you a short nod, and you headed out.

You returned with two bags full of fruit and prepackaged snacks, along with three trays of some kind of meat cooked on a spit, grilled vegetables, and warm bread. You had no idea how long it had been since he’d eaten, or how long it would be until he’d be fed, so you were going to make sure he had plenty while he was with you.

“I brought food,” you gestured for him to join you at the table. He approached warily, and took a seat opposite you. You placed two of the trays in front of him, and spilled the rest of the bag’s contents on the table. “You don’t have to wait for permission from me,” you kindly assured, and he began to eat.

“I know you,” he whispered softly, looking up from his second plate.

You smiled warmly, “Yeah. We met a few years ago in the Red Room, when I was recruited by Sidewinder.”

“Did I hurt you?”

You shook your head, “You were very kind, actually.”

He seemed almost surprised by your declaration, but didn’t say anything more.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

You woke in a tangle of limbs, with the Soldier holding you close. With the mission done, and the food all but gone, you took comfort in each other’s company. You looked up at him, sleeping peacefully, and wondered how much he’d have to endure when he went back later. You carefully peeled yourself away and dressed, heading out to find breakfast.

He was still asleep when you returned. You hated to wake him, but you needed to leave for the extraction point in just over an hour. You sat by the bed and stroked his cheek, making his eyes flutter open.

“Hey there, Soldier,” you cooed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sidewinder had severely underestimated the number of guards surrounding the area. Whatever was in the locked box you were supposed to retrieve was clearly more valuable than you had anticipated. You’d been shot twice, and were leaving a trail of blood as you searched for the box. Your vision began to blur and you had to stop to rest. Once you made it to the vault, you barely registered a figure on the catwalk three stories above you. The sound of the rushing water beneath you muffled the sound of your footsteps.

 _‘We have just received word that there may be someone else interested in the item. There are whispers of the new Black Widow being sent after it. You must find it first, or take it from her, by any means necessary. Understood?’_ You wobbily aimed your gun as Sidewinder’s words replayed in your head. You fired, barely grazing the person, but that was enough. All you had to do now was keep up.

As you began climbing, your attention was drawn to the sound of explosions. The ladder collapsed, dropping you into the freezing water below. You looked up in time to see the figure approach the edge, and a large section of railing plummeting down above you. You tried to swim away, but one of your legs got caught beneath it. As you fought to pull your leg free, and you realized you were going to drown, you didn’t notice the diving figure a few feet to your left. She approached the railing and planted her feet on the piece beneath your leg, and pushed the upper part off you enough to free you.

She grabbed your arm, and pulled you up to the surface where you began coughing your lungs out. She pulled you to the area outside the vault and leaned you up against the wall. “Y/N? Are you ok?”

“What are you… Natalia?” Your eyes widened in disbelief at the familiar green ones looking back at you. “You’re the Black Widow?”

“You’re Cascabel? I thought you-” she didn’t finish. Instead, she pulled you into a bone crushing hug. “No one would tell me what happened to you.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You look different.” It wasn’t the passage of time, though the years have been kind to her. There was a hardness in her that wasn’t there when you’d known her. You supposed it was the life of a Widow that’d done it.

“I should hope so. I was all bruised up the last time you saw me,” she smirked at you before placing a soft kiss on your lips. “You however, haven’t changed at all. So,” she rubbed the wound near her shoulder. “Venom coated weaponry? I still don’t have much feeling in my arm, you know.”

“That’s the point,” you looked around the shack she’d brought you to. “It would have spread had you not taken the antidote.”

“Well, thank you for that then,” she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I missed you, you know.”

“You did?”

“Of course. I know when you were being taken I… I couldn’t show weakness. You know how it was. How it still is.”

Sadly, you did know. It still hurt regardless. “So, any idea what’s in that thing?” you pointed to the box on the table.

She scoffed, “Really? After six years, you wanna talk about that?”

“I guess not,” you laughed softly. “What would you rather talk about?”

“This,” she pulled you into a searing kiss.


	5. Track 5 - Hearts at War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second chances bring joy and doubt.
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Hearts at War by HIM
> 
> Run away as far as you can And hide behind all the promises  
> But I’ll find you ‘cause you are of fire And I’m the rain,  
> Don’t be afraid (it would be a shame)  
> Hearts at war For a thing called love  
> And there’s no escaping What we have brought upon ourselves again

You spent the next two weeks together in that shack, getting reacquainted with each other. Though you felt the rising tension the more time you spent together, neither of you were willing to back down when the moments of passion overtook you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye,” she whispered one night in bed.

“I get it,” you traced her bottom lip with your thumb. “At least I got to see you before leaving.”

“You have me now, Y/N,” she gave your nose a small peck. “So, you still wanna go to Paris and climb that tower?”

“I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s with you.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Woah, what’s wrong? Bad news?” Natalia had returned from a quick trip into town, and she looked tense.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just some rude customer at the market,” she dismissed. “You go ahead and eat. I’m not too hungry right now.”

“Natalia?”

“I’m just tired,” she assured.

You knew she was lying, but now wouldn’t be the time to confront her. “Ok. I’ll join you in a bit.”

“Actually, my back kind of hurts, so I think I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

Natalia grew distant and irritable the next few days, and you had no idea what was going on. She’d almost completely shut down, and even talking about the places you’d go, or the dog you’d adopt didn’t cheer her up.

“What’s going on?” you’d had enough, and you were determined to get answers. “You’ve been so cold this week and you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

She slapped a fake smile on her face. “No-”

“And don’t say nothing,” you warned. “We can’t start our lives like this.”

Her face turned hard, like it did when you were fourteen. “No, we can’t.”

“So what is it?” you prodded, though more gently than before.

“We can’t do this. I have to go back,” she said as casually as if she were talking about dinner plans.

“What do you mean? Why not? Are you in trouble?” Had someone threatened her? Wouldn’t you have left town if that were the case?

“Yes. We both are. We always will be,” she stressed.

“We’ve always known that. Even when we were kids,” you tried to reason, but her mind was made up.

“I can’t do this. Not to you, not to myself. I’m not worth it.”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. But don’t sit there and tell me you’re doing me a favor because of who you are or who you work for or whatever else. I knew all this from the start. It never bothered us before. You were always so certain we could take on the world.”

“We were children!” she finally faced you. “Children too stupid to know better than to get attached!”

Your back straightened, and you met her gaze head on. “I see…”

“I’m leaving in the morning,” her voice sounded more hoarse than husky. “Stay as long as you want. No one knows about this place. Keep the box.” She quickly packed her bag and set it by the door.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

You couldn’t sleep. You kept tossing and turning, counting the minutes until the sun rose and Natalia walked out of your life, this time for good. You knew she was awake, too. You could hear her shifting around on the couch, but the silence between you still hung thick in the air.

Your bag was packed as well, sitting by the bed with the locked box safely inside. You had no intention of staying there, not by yourself. Plus, you had to get the box back to Seth, and find a way to explain your long absence.

Morning came, and you both prepared yourselves for travel in silence. You stepped out first, allowing her to lock the door behind you.

“We can leave now and never turn back,” you decided to make one final attempt. “Come with me. Please?”

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” the Soldier asked after you collapsed onto his chest.

“With what?” you panted, placing a kiss on his jaw.

“You were a lot rougher than usual. If that wasn’t angry sex, I don’t know what is.”

You sat up, straddling him. “I thought you didn’t remember?”

He began tracing patterns on your hips with his thumbs. “Sometimes it creeps up on me after a while.”  

You took his flesh hand and brought it to your lips for a kiss. “If you don’t like something, say so, ok?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” he sat up, too, and pulled you to his chest. “I just want to know what’s wrong; if you’re ok.”

“Yeah. Just rough mission, you know?” he raised his brows at you, silently calling you out on your bullshit. “I’m an idiot. I fell in love a long time ago, and I thought we could make it work, but I was wrong,” you shrugged. “I held on to some fantasy, and…”

“You were the only one,” he finished for you.

“Yeah. Stupid, right?”

“Yeah, you really are an idiot,” he teased, touching his forehead to yours. He kissed you hungrily before flipping you on your back, and smiled when your laughter filled the room.


	6. Track 6 - Our Diabolikal Rapture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia comes crawling back.
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Our Diabolikal Rapture by HIM
> 
> Your love is the only thing I live for in this world  
> Oh how I wait for the day your heart burns In these heavenly flames I have already scorched in  
> I just want you to know I’ll always be waiting

You suspected you’d run into Natalia again at some point. As big as the world was, it seemed the criminal world was a small one. What you didn’t expect was the familiar fluttering in your stomach after so long. You still thought about her occasionally, but you thought you’d come to terms with never being able to be with her. So it was alarming to you to feel your body reacting to her the way it always did. 

“Don’t tell me you’re here for the blueprints,” you hid your discomfort with annoyance. 

Her breathy laugh brought goosebumps to your flesh. “No, I’m here for something more valuable.” 

“Thank goodness, I really wasn’t looking forward to a fight today,” you sighed. 

“I mean you, Y/N. I’m here for you.” 

That sent you on high alert, but all you saw in her eyes was a silent plea. “What do you mean?” 

Her heart clenched at your guarded tone. Did you really think she’d harm you? “I heard you were coming. I had to see you.” 

You nodded. “It’s nice seeing you, too, Natalia. You look well.” 

“Not as good as you. How do you manage to still look so warm?” her eyes scanned your face like it was a riddle she couldn’t make heads or tails of. “You don’t have that blank assassin stare.” 

“Well technically, right now, I’m a thief,” you lifted the briefcase for emphasis. 

“Even so, people like us lose that spark. You still look normal.” 

You frowned slightly, “Thanks?” 

“It is a compliment. It’s actually one of the things I love most about you,” she looked away, not wanting to see your reaction. 

“What are you doing,” you heart began to beat faster. This couldn’t be possible. 

“I made a mistake. I should have left with you when I had the chance.” 

“You had your reasons, whatever they were,” you murmured the last part, but she still hear you. 

She knew she deserved to hear it, but it still hurt. “I felt trapped. By everything. I panicked. I know that’s not an excuse, or even half the explanation you deserve, but it’s what I can give you. When it came down to it, all I could see was them breaking down our door, and tearing us apart. Even so, I regret it every day, leaving like that. I should have taken your hand and ran.” 

“So come now,” you rushed, afraid you’d lose your nerve. “Leave with me right now.” 

“You’d still have me?” her teary eyes met yours, not believing you’d give her another chance. 

“Yes,” you answered breathlessly. “If you’re sure.” 

“I’ve always been sure about you.” She took your hands and kissed them. “You’re the only thing that’s kept me human.” 

You needed to hear it straight, “Is that a yes?” 

“Yes,” she smiled widely, giving you a glimpse of the girl she used to be. “I just have a loose end to take care of and secure us a safehouse.” 

“Alright. I’ll finish this up and cash in.” You kissed her goodbye, and before you left, you called, “I’ll be waiting, Natalia.”


	7. Track 7- Heartache Every Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your boss questions your priorities.
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Heartache Every Moment by HIM
> 
> From lashes to ashes And from lust to dust  
> In your sweetest torment I’m lost, And no heaven can help us  
> Ready, willing and able, To lose it all For a kiss so fatal And so warm   
> Oh it’s heartache every moment From the start ‘til the end  
> It’s heartache every moment With you

Natalia assured you it wouldn’t take longer than a week to get everything in order. That week turned into two, and those two weeks turned to two months. Two years passed with still no word from her. You went about your work, long since accepting the fact you’d been jilted again. The other members of the Society suspected something had been bothering you, but since it never interfered with your duties, they never brought it up. 

You’d just finished training, heading to your room for a shower when you were approached by Wilburn. 

“Miss, your presence is required in the briefing room,” he informed. 

“New contract or did someone return?” As much as you loved getting paid, you wanted to get out of the Citadel even more. 

“New contract, Miss.” 

With a bounce in your step, you made your way to see the boss. 

“Cascabel,” Sidewinder greeted, gesturing you to take a seat. 

“I hear you have a contract for me.” You eyed the files in his hands hungrily, hoping it would be an exciting one. 

“Two, in fact.” He sat across from you held up both. “One pays more,” he began, but you didn’t let him finish. 

“If it’s from the Kingpin, you already know my answer.” Ever since the Society made contact, he’d wanted information on all of you. He found your ‘spider turned serpent’ situation interesting, and kept requesting you for his contracts, going so far as to offer a hefty bonus, but only if you accept. The whole thing sounded like bad news, so you always passed. “Who’s the other from?” 

Sidewinder didn’t looked pleased with your decision, but he shouldn’t have expected any different. “Who do you think?” he handed you a file, dropping the other onto his lap. 

You opened the file and were met with a familiar symbol and profile. “I’ll do this one.” 

“You’re careful to avoid being within the Kingpin’s grasp, but not Hydra’s?” he studied you, trying to make sense of your decision. 

You shrugged, “The Winter Soldier and I had similar training, and we’re efficient as a result. It’s good business. Whatever Kingpin’s interest is, I’m not sure, nor do I care to find out,” you shuddered. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * 

It was true; you and the Soldier worked like a well oiled machine. It was the reason Hydra allowed the partnership, despite it meaning the Asset no longer forgot you after wiping him immediately following his missions. 

At the dropoff point, away from prying eyes, he looked over your gear. Rather than insulting, you found it endearing. You had been on countless missions together, and knew his concern was with your safety, not your capability. 

“Ready?” he placed your last blade into its sheath, careful not to touch you with it. 

“Hold on, one of your buckles is loose.” You tightened it, and examined his tactical vest once more. “Ready. Be careful, Soldier.” Your lips met in a desperate kiss. Knowing it could be your last were the mission to go south, you always made sure to make it count. 

When you separated, he placed a final kiss on your forehead. “Watch yourself out there.”


	8. Track 8 - Ode to Solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re forced to face either Natalia or the Kingpin (Wilson Fisk).
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Ode to Solitude by HIM
> 
> If I should fail (and I will) to stay  
> Remember not to forget this feeling you have  
> I’ve failed  
> Please pretend it never happened baby

You’d returned from your third mission in a week, and were ready to crash. After a shower, you planned on sleeping for a week. In the briefing room, you gave your report while Seth split the pay among the other members. When it was done, you grabbed your share and prepared to bolt to your room. 

“Cascabel, I need you for a moment,” Seth called, ignoring your groans of protest. Everyone filed out, many of them giving you sympathetic looks. “I have another contract asking for you specifically. It’s from the KGB. You’ll be going with the Black Widow.” 

“Give it to someone else,” you blurted. “I’m too damned tired.” You were tired, and not just from the back to back missions. 

“They don’t want anyone else. We’ll have to forfeit it if you don’t go, and we don’t need to be on their bad side.” 

The warning in his tone was clear: your organization wasn’t huge, and you couldn’t afford to have enemies that powerful. “Is it time sensitive? You can tell them I’m still working on a prior contract.” 

Seth raised a brow at you. “But you’re not. Unless, you want to reconsider the Kingpin’s proposal?” He dropped the file onto your lap. Upon opening, you were met with Natalia’s profile. “Don’t forget where you’d be if it weren’t for me, girl. You’d be doing this mission regardless, assuming you lived. You leave in two days.” With that, he swept out of the room, leaving you to stew. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was ingrained into both of you that the mission always came first, so you weren’t worried about awkwardness with Natalia. That would come after. Even so, it’s not like you had to stay when it was over. There weren’t many guards, so you decided to split up and meet in the middle. When everyone was dead, you looked up to find her gaping at you. 

“What?” you self consciously wiped the sweat from your forehead. 

She snapped out of her stupor. “You’re faster than I remember.” 

“Good. I’ve trained a lot since then,” you chuckled. “To the vault?” 

“To the vault,” she confirmed, handing you a key card. 

You stepped aside to let her pass. “Lead the way.” 

You both made it to the vault and searched the cabinets inside for the files Natalia needed. It was evident she needed the help for the search, rather than the backup for the guards, but it didn’t matter. The payload was huge for such a simple contract, so you weren’t about to whine over a bit of spilled blood. 

“Can I ask you something?” she spoke lowly, almost as if hoping you wouldn’t hear. 

“Go ahead.” 

“What does Fisk want with you?” 

You groaned “He’s _curious_ ,” you mocked. “So he says. How’d you know about that?” 

“Heard he’s been asking about you. Found one.” She set it aside and moved on to the next cabinet. “Just watch out for him, alright?” 

“Sure.” You pulled a file and placed it on top of the other. “Got one.” 

You searched for the rest in silence, with only the sound of ruffling papers filling the room. It took a couple of hours, but you found everything she needed. Once you got to the safehouse, she gave you a case with your pay. If you thought you’d be able to get away without addressing the elephant in the room, you were mistaken. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. Things got complicated, and I couldn’t get away.” 

You paused from counting the money. “And I suppose you can’t get away now, either?” 

She shook her head apologetically. “It’s not a good idea. I was supposed to kill you, you know. That day I found you.” 

“So why didn’t you?” you asked, harsher than you meant to. “You could have just left me trapped. I was already half drowned.” 

“I needed to know what you’d done to your rounds. I knew within seconds I would die if I didn’t.”

“And after?” you asked. “You had plenty of chances to kill me, but you didn’t. Why?”

She shrugged, “I owed you for not shooting me all those years before.” 

You took a calming breath, keeping your bubbling rage beneath the surface. “Is that it, then? Just so we’d be square?” 

“There’s no other reason,” her tone was as cold as her stare. 

“Isn’t there?” 

“There can’t be.” She picked up her gear and headed for the door. “Remember what I said about Fisk,” she called back before leaving.


	9. And Love Said No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’ve had enough, and an opportunity to do some good arises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had made a continuity error that made me need to rewrite a big chunk of rest of the story, so thanks for being patient with me!
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> And Love Said No by HIM
> 
> Love’s violent tune From me to you  
> Rips your heart out and leaves you bleeding with a smile on your face  
> “Kill me” I begged, and love said no  
> Leave me for dead and let me go  
> “Kill me” I cried and love said no

 

You stood in the tiny apartment wondering why you fell for Natalia’s empty promises yet again. You couldn’t believe it when Wilburn handed you the letter that you stupidly believed would change your life. It was done, she had written. The safehouse was ready and she would be waiting for you to start your lives together.

You waited until after the next mission to take a ‘vacation’, only saying you’d probably head east for a couple of weeks. You arrived in Paris, entering an empty apartment with a letter waiting for you on the small kitchen table. Before you even opened the envelope, you knew it wasn’t good.

She’d met a pilot, it said. It all happened so fast, but they were in love and she was to marry him. You didn’t finish the rest of the letter, which you surmised was filled with more half assed apologies and excuses. As you locked the door behind you and headed back out into the city streets, you swore you were through with her. No matter what happened from then on, you would be rid of the hold she had on you. At the station, you booked a seat on the first train out.

You were still irritable when you returned to the Citadel, but the others assumed you were upset about your vacation being over. Sidewinder was nice enough to give you a couple of days to recover before assigning you a contract, but there was a catch; all Society members were to have a tracker implanted into the base of their skull. Apparently, some were taking suspiciously long completing their contracts, and it was decided a tracker would boost efficiency. A slight shift of pink hair caught your attention, and your eyes landed on Diamondback. She tried to look bored, but you could tell she was as upset as you were by the news.

Throwing yourself into your work, it didn’t give you much time to think about Natalia, and as time passed, it got easier to ignore the heartache. While on a mission with an archer, he told you a rumor he’d heard about his kid brother being sent to end her, and though you didn’t doubt she’d be fine, you still felt a pang of worry. When you heard she’d defected and joined him on the other side, you wondered if it was what she wanted, but didn’t spare it much thought.

You had just returned from a mission with Asp and Bushmaster, barely landing the Saucer when Sidewinder entered the hangar. He called for you to immediately head to the briefing room, telling the others to wait until Wilburn tells them to join him.

“What’s going on?” You hadn’t done anything wrong. On the contrary, the mission had gone as smooth as was expected.

“You have a new assignment. It’s urgent. I’ll save your share from your last contract for when you get back.” Normally he’d give you a folder with the contract’s details, but he was empty handed. “It’s about the Winter Soldier.”

“What happened?” you asked as casually as you could, expertly keeping the panic you felt from rising.

“He’s missing, and they want you to find him. Disappeared after his disastrous last mission. They think you’ll have a better chance of bringing him back.” He studied you, unsure if it was a good idea to send you after all the time you’d spent with the man, but his hands were tied. “I don’t have to tell you how important it is you come through, do I?”

You locked eyes with him. This man, your boss, saved you from the Red Room, only to have you live the same life. You were still nothing more than an attack dog, just with a different owner. You’d often thought about disappearing yourself, but you were high profile now, and didn’t think it was possible. But Natalia did it, and now the Soldier has, too.

“No, you don’t,” you assured. “Where was he last?”

He eyed you a moment longer, but appeared appeased by the steadiness of your tracker. “D.C.”

“Ok,” you nodded. “I’ll head out.”

You left the Citadel with as much as you could carry, having no idea how long you’d be gone. When you reached D.C., you learned of the destruction he caused, and a bit about his link to Captain America. He was the best spy you knew, and it wouldn’t be easy to find him. There were so many unknowns, but you weren’t going to let it affect your mission.

There was one thing you were certain of; you weren’t going to let them hurt him again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Steve! We need to head out right now.”

He immediately went into Captain mode. “What’s wrong?”

“Hydra, they’ve sent someone after Barnes.” Natasha shoved all the ammo she had into a duffel. She didn’t know if she was more frightened for him or you.

“Calm down,” Steve held her still. “Let me call Sam and see if he’s heard anything.”

She shook her head. “There’s no time. We have to find him before she does.”

“How? We’ve  _been_  looking and haven’t found anything.”

“No, but she has.”

That caught Steve’s attention. “What? How?”

“It’s not important.” She was growing impatient with Steve’s questions. “If she gets to him first, either Hydra gets him back, or they both end up dead.”

Steve nodded gravely, “Ok.”

“When we find her, two things: don’t engage her. All she needs is one small opening. Serum or not, it’s too risky. And don’t lose sight of her. I’m warning you now, she’s quick. She’ll disappear in a heartbeat.”

“What if we have to? What if it turns into a fight?”

Natasha shut her eyes and sighed at the thought. “Well, then we hope she carries enough anti-venom for the three of us.”

“Ant- nevermind. You can fill me in on the way. Where are we going?” Steve grabbed his own bag and followed Natasha out.

“South America.”

* * *

 


	10. Track 10 - Bleed Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You come up with a plan to keep the Soldier safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bleed Well by HIM
> 
> Bleed well, the soul you’re about to sell for passion deranged  
> Kiss and tell, baby we’re bleeding well  
> Bleed well, the heart you’re about to fail for reasons insane  
> Kill and tell, baby we’re bleeding well  
> In hell

 

It didn’t take long for you to realize you were being followed. Apparently, Hydra was as concerned about your possible attachment to the Asset as Seth was.

“Goddamn snitch,” you grumbled as you rubbed the back of your neck, certain that he was relaying your position.

Losing them would be easy, but dangerous. When you got off the plane, you took a cab to one of the most dangerous cities in the country. You paid cash for an apartment upfront, and planted some of your things to make it look like you were making it your base. Deciding to get some food, you headed out and explored the immediate area, getting a few groceries on the way. Knowing the Hydra agents would be searching your apartment, you stopped at a small hole in the wall place that served something that smelled decent, and ordered something that looked like it would take a while to prepare.

Using the time to scope out the neighborhood, you noticed a young boy watching you intently. You made certain he didn’t know you’d caught him. Grabbing a napkin from the table and pen from your jacket, you jotted something down and placed both in your pocket.

When the server brought your food, you asked for another to go, and ate while they prepared your second dish. You paid, replacing your wallet within sight of the boy, and excused yourself to the restroom. Inside, you swapped the money with the napkin and headed back out into the city. Instead of heading back to the apartment, you went to a small market in the opposite direction and purchased a few more things. On your way out, a small body bumped into you, uttering a quick  _‘perdón’_  before running off.

You approached a nearby vendor and purchased a newspaper and a drink before heading back toward the restaurant. There was a small alcove in the alley directly across. Grabbing an empty crate, you sat and read while you waited. It was nearly an hour before the boy returned.

He didn’t look pleased at having found the note asking to meet you instead of the money he’d been expecting, but when you offered him the food and groceries in exchange for information, he warmed up considerably.

He told you everything he knew about the corrupt law enforcement, local gangs, what they traded in, and their most recent disputes. He also told you he wasn’t a bad person, he just had a little sister and sick grampa at home to feed. After making him swear not to tell anyone about you, you gave him what you promised and watched him run home before heading back to your own temporary one.

After your chat with the boy, it was easy to get the Hydra agents on the gangs’ radar. Even the police were getting worried about them. When the time for you to move on was approaching, it took all your training to keep your heart rate steady. You sent word to Seth that you would move in on the Soldier after sundown, knowing he would make sure the agents tailing you would be nearby to take him.

So when you walked into the warehouse where a major deal was going down, you were banking on Hydra busting in in time to save your ass. When you were spotted, you were dragged over to the group and thrown on the floor, a gun immediately pointed at your head. Your heart began to pound, and you let it.

When asked who you were, you gave them an alias you’d used many times before. When they asked what you were doing there, you simply stated you were looking for a friend. Not satisfied with your response, the man pistol whipped you, and gave you a final warning.

The agents began to file in, no doubt after Seth told them about your rising stress levels, and you ducked just as the firefight began. When the man who had hit you dropped, you picked up his gun and began to shoot until you were the only one left standing.

Careful to avoid stepping in blood, you made your way over to the goods, and took the case of money. You took your time heading back to the apartment, but once inside, you packed as fast as you could and left it as empty as they day you moved in. You knew you didn’t have long until the next batch of agents showed up, but you needed every minute you could get to scope out your next destination and come up with a new plan to get rid of them as well.

As you waited for your cab, you spotted a familiar face walking up the street. You called for the boy, and he greeted you with a smile. You purchased some produce from a nearby vendor, and asked him to follow you to a more private area. Back at the same alcove, you put half of the money you took into the bag and told him to take his family and move somewhere quiet.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Steve looked on with worry as a pale and shaken Natasha let out a sigh of relief.

“It’s just Hydra and some local thugs,” she confirmed.

“Are you sure they were even here?” he asked skeptically. “None of these wounds look like anything you described.”

“Maybe Barnes got wise and left before she could get him,” she shrugged, not looking away from the stolen file. “But that doesn’t explain this.”

“Who is she?”

“I told you,” she replied steadily. “She was trained where I was and then became a Serpent.”

“Who is she to  _you_?” he pressed. “It’s not just Buck you’re worried about, is it?”

Natasha stayed quiet for a moment, knowing she couldn’t answer that if she wanted. “We need to find where Barnes went.”

* * *

 


	11. Track 11 - Disarm Me (With Your Lonliness)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader runs into the gang after the whole mess with the Accords is settled.
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Disarm Me (With Your Lonliness) by HIM
> 
> Tell me how much you miss my warmth (No more)*  
> Tell me how my kiss can change your world (No more)  
> Tell me how much it hurts (more) to be alone (No more)  
> Lie to me that you love me with all your heart  
> No more

“Cascabel…”

Natasha’s head whipped in Bucky’s direction. “What? Why did you say that?”

“I’d know that perfume anywhere…” He ran off, the others hot on his heels. He burst into the main computer room just in time to see you climbing toward a window. “Cascabel!”

“You know her?” Nat’s eyes flickered between you and Bucky.

“Hey there, Soldier!” you greeted happily, realizing your mistake when he flinched. “Oh, right. I hear you go by Barnes again. My sincerest apologies.” Ignoring the defensive stances Steve and Natasha took beside him, you quickly climbed down to greet your old friend. “You look well. They feeding you enough?”

Bucky’s face broke into a big smile. “Not as well as you did.”

Steve’s eyes shifted from his friend back over to you, as if seeing you for the first time. Not only did Bucky know you, but he was happy to see you and it was throwing him for a loop.

“What are you doing here?” Natasha couldn’t believe her eyes. After chasing you for nearly two years, she didn’t think she’d ever have the chance to speak to you again.

“Good to see you too,  _Romanoff,_ ” you replied sarcastically. “I’m working, if you must know.”

“Hold on, you guys know each other?” Tony pointed between the three of you.

“Yeah,” Natasha answered, slightly hurt by the hostility in your tone. “We go way back.”

“Sorry, but do all assassins know each other? Like do you have networking events and things like that?”

“Is that the main hard drive?” Bucky eyed the item in your hand, ignoring Tony.

“Indeed it is. Why?”

“I’m sorry, Miss, but I can’t let you take take that,” Steve’s ‘Captain’ voice echoed nicely through the room.

“Aww, you’re even cuter in uniform!” you gushed, causing Sam to snicker. No one else missed Nat and Bucky tense as Steve unconsciously rubbed his stomach.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

_They’d chased you across continents, following the trail of Hydra corpses left behind. When the bodies ran dry, finding you became nearly impossible. It was sheer coincidence Steve found you in Shanghai, and bad luck Natasha’s search led her to the opposite side of the city._

_“Ohhhh Captain America, as I live and breathe,” you snarked. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”_

_“Leave Bucky alone,” he warned._

_“Bucky?” you chuckled. “No no, I’m after the Soldier.”_

_“You don’t have to do this,” he pleaded. “You don’t have to be what they want you to be.”_

_You fought the urge to roll your eyes. “I AM doing what I want. You need to leave.”_

_Ignoring Natasha’s warning, he flung his shield. It had barely left his hand and you were already in front of him, body checking him into the wall. He grabbed your arm, but his grip weakened when your fist came down hard on a nerve. By the time he got to his feet, you were already halfway out the window, gun aimed at his chest._

_“You don’t know what you’re jeopardizing. Go home, Captain. Final warning.”_

_“No.” A strange sensation on his torso drew his gaze. He’d been slashed, and though it wasn’t very deep, the pain was near excruciating. He hadn’t seen a knife anywhere, and now there was a gun on him as tingling began surrounding the painful area.“I won’t let you take h-im.”_

_“Then I’m sorry.” You took aim at his shoulder and almost fired, but he wavered on his feet and placed a hand on the wall to balance himself. It was the fastest you’d ever seen the venom take effect, and while it was fascinating, it wasn’t what you’d intended. “I’d stay still if I were you. Looks like your enhanced body isn’t doing you any favors right now.”_

_With the gun still aimed, you reached into your bag and grabbed three vials of the anti-venom, tossing them toward him before disappearing out the window. Steve tried to rush over to see which direction you headed, but you were nowhere to be found._

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Here,” you sighed, tossing it over to Bucky, “I was just taking it to see if the client would pay extra for it.”

“If this wasn’t what you were after, then what was?” Natasha inquired.

“Does it matter? You got what you came for, I got what I came for, we can go our separate ways without any trouble.”

“An assassin getting some top secret item for who knows who or for what purpose? Yeah, I’d say it matters,” Tony said.

You cocked your head and faced Steve. “Captain, what I have is nothing that was on your radar. You would have left it behind. We can all walk away, unharmed. You won’t see or hear from me again after this, anyway.”

Natasha glared at you suspiciously, but it was Bucky who spoke. “What do you mean?”

“I’m getting out. This is my last job. One for the road, and then I disappear. Poof!”

“What about the other Serpents?” Only you and Clint noticed the shakiness in Natasha’s voice.

“They’re busy fighting amongst themselves. It’s the perfect time for me to slip away. Speaking of which, I guess this is goodbye.”

Natasha looked down at her feet bashfully. “Aren’t you going to ask?”

You gave a dry laugh, “What’s the point? What’s there to make me think the answer’s changed?”

She winced at your words, knowing they were true. All she ever did was push you away. But now that she knew this was the last time she’d see you, her heart was breaking all over again. “Will you be safe? What if they find you?”

“That’s my problem,” you dismissed.

“No,” Bucky cut in. “I can’t let you run off. Not like this.”

Your eyes softened as you stepped toward him, taking his hands into yours. “Why were you always so good to me?”

“Wait, when she was taken, did you know what happened to her?” Natasha demanded, but she went ignored.

“You were different.” A sad smile graced his face. “You always looked out for me. Let me do the same for you.”

You shook your head solemnly. “Maybe I’ll try Bucharest. It did have its charm.”

Steve’s jaw dropped. “So you  _did_  find him.”

“Of course,” you scoffed. “Who do you think I am?”

“All those leads, the dead ends, that was a ruse?” Natasha hissed through gritted teeth.

“Yes. With the tracker I could lead them anywhere. So, I lead them into one deathtrap after another. It was the only way I could think to help him. Why?”

“Because we followed those leads for over a year,” Steve groaned.

“What’s going on?”

“When you disappeared, they send me to retrieve you,” you smiled apologetically. “It took a while, but once Hydra gave up trying to tail me, I found you.”

Bucky didn’t look angry or afraid. “Why didn’t you stay?” he asked, shocking everyone.

“Why the hell would she?” Natasha growled.

“Why not? It’s not like she had anyone else,” he shot back, knowing the words would cut her deep. “I coulda taken that thing outta ya.”

“So you and her? You’ve had him, too?”

“Too? You slept with Natalia?” your raised a brow at him, unable to hide your amusement before it turned to anger. “You ass! I thought she was dead and you didn’t think to tell me she wasn’t?”

“Damn, Barnes, you gotta tell me your secret,” Sam muttered.

Bucky began to look a little embarrassed. “I didn’t know. I’d been wiped several times in between…” he trailed off quietly.

“Right. Sorry.” You stretched and focused on the others. “Well, it was nice meeting you. Take care of these two, yeah? It was good seeing you one last time,” you said to Bucky and Natasha before turning away.

“Don’t go,” Natasha blurted.

“Excuse me?”

She looked at you pleadingly. “You heard me.”

You scoffed, “So you and Barnes were allowed to break your chains, but I’m not?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I’m done, Natalia. I just want to do something for myself, for once. I want to be free.”

“But you won’t be. Every day you’ll be looking over your shoulder.”

“That’s no different to how it is now. At least I won’t wake up every day knowing there’s going to be more blood on my hands.”

“Come with us,” Bucky stepped closer. “We can protect you.”

You shook your head, “That’s a bad idea.”

“Why? They’d be crazy to come after you. They’d be crazy to come after us with you around.”

“Last I checked, you were part of a team. You can’t make that decision on their behalf.” Your eyes quickly flashed toward Natasha; a move he didn’t miss. He sent her a pointed glare.

“He’s right. With the three of us together, they wouldn’t dare come near us.”

“Unless they ally themselves and come for us together. As tempting as that sounds,” you mocked. “I’ll pass. You’ve done well for yourselves. I’ll only jeopardize that with my presence.”

“So that’s it? You can just leave and never look back?”

“You’re both safe, and you look happy. There’s no reason for me to.”

“Isn’t there?” your own words echoed back at you.

 _There can’t be_ , is what she’d replied. “Where you’re concerned? Not anymore. You made sure of that.”

“Am I the only one who’s lost here?”

“Shut up, Stark!” Bucky snapped.

“Give us a few minutes. Please.” Clint grabbed Natasha’s arm and pulled her toward another room. “Talk to her. Don’t let her leave,” he practically begged Steve.

“What happened?” Steve stepped forward after they left, addressing you fully. “When you didn’t deliver, did they hurt you?”

You saw Bucky stiffen out of the corner of your eye.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

_When you found the Soldier, you were relieved to see he looked well. You only watched him for a short time, and spent the remainder of your stay exploring the city. When it was time to move on, you headed to Egypt and made your way down the African continent._

_You were in Botswana making your own escape plans, and by the time you heard about the bombing in Vienna, half the Society was already on their way to apprehend you. You were in the middle of digging out your homing chip when they burst through your door and dragged you back to the Citadel._

_“You stupid girl! Do you know what you’ve done?!” Seth grabbed hold of your throat as soon as your bloody form was released from Rock Python’s metal restraints. “You may have killed us!”_

_As you struggled for air, you looked around the room at the other members, gauging your chances of getting out alive should you fight back. They weren’t good._

_“We don’t know anything yet,” Cobra looked on with worry. “Did you see him while you were in Bucharest?”_

_You shook your head, still clinging to Seth’s hand as he deprived you of air._

_“I should offer you up as tribute for your failure!” He threw you, making you slam against the wall, leaving a bloody trail as you slid to the floor. He grabbed you by the hair, forcing you to face him. “If I find you jeopardized our lives for a Hydra dog, I’m going to skin you alive!” He tossed your head back, knocking it against the wall, and walked out._

_Diamondback and Cobra stayed behind to help you when everyone left. Once they’d patched you up, Cobra left for a mission, leaving Diamondback to watch over you._

_“Did you do it on purpose? Is that why you tried to remove the tracker?” she asked, taking your silence as permission to continue. “You’re not the only one, you know. Maybe, when the time comes, we can help each other. I’ll take yours, you take mine, and we can both be free.”_

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“No. They weren’t happy, but it was one failed mission. Not a bad record, right?” you sent them both a reassuring smile.

“And the Hydra agents you killed?”

“Set up traps so I wouldn’t have to use my own weapons,” you smirked. “Never found out I was behind it. Anyway, I really should get going…”

“Did you really sleep with this metal armed maniac?” Tony pointed his armored thumb at Bucky.

“Tony!” Steve scolded before quickly turning back. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I can see they care about you. Whatever it is, are you sure this is the right way to go about it?”

“It’s the only way I can think of.” You took a glance at the door before eyeing the window.

“What is going on? What happened between you and Widow?” Sam asked.

You gave him a wry smile. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Let go of me.” Natasha pulled her arm out of his grip.

“You know what Barnes told me? He said he knew you were in trouble the minute you laid eyes on each other.”

“Barnes doesn’t know anything.” She narrowed her eyes at him, “You knew? About the two of them?”

“Yes, but she was gone. There was no point in bringing it up, or her relationship to him. Which,” his tone turned to a warning one. “wasn’t too different from your relationship with him.”

“Yes, it was. He barely recognizes me, but he remembers her just fine.” She closed her eyes and released a shaky breath. “How long?”

“I don’t know. Neither does he, not exactly, but as long as he can remember.” She tried to walk past him, only to be blocked by his arm slamming into the wall in front of her. “She’s leaving. Dropping off the face of the Earth and probably going to get herself killed,” he took a moment for it to sink in. “Are you ok with that? Because I don’t think you are. Doesn’t look like Barnes is, either.”

“It’s her choice,” she said weakly, unable to meet his gaze.

“What’s stopping you now? You’re as safe as you’re going to get. You have people who love you and would die for you. Why are you still afraid?”

“It doesn’t matter. You heard her. It’s over.”

He shook his head. “They’re the same lies you’ve been feeding her all these years.” When she didn’t respond, he groaned in frustration. “I’m sending her in. Talk. To. Her.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Clint came out of the room he and Natasha were in and went straight to you. “She’d like a word. Please,” he insisted. You pursed your lips, but remained quiet as you headed toward the door. You and Natasha regarded each other in silence for a moment.

“How was Notre Dame?” She mentally slapped herself as soon as the words were spoken.

“I didn’t stay. Sorry to say, Paris left a bad taste in my mouth,” you flatly stated. “How was Cádiz?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Her eyes never left yours. “It never felt right going. Something was always missing.”

“Shame. I hear it’s as beautiful as ever.”

“Like you.”

You put your hand up to stop her. “Don’t. That’s behind us.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“You strung me along, only to fall in love with someone else. So yes, it does.”

“I didn’t. I cared for Alexei, but you’re mistaken if you think I had a choice,” she tried to defend.

“You did. You just made a different one.” You checked your watch and huffed, “I’m losing daylight. I have to go.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bucky’s heart dropped when he saw you emerge from the room alone. “You’re leaving.”

“‘Fraid so. You’re not too embarrassed to give me a hug in front of your friends, are you?”

“Hell no.” He gave you a sad smile as he pulled you into his arms, kissing your forehead. “You be careful. And if you need me, call. I’ll find you.” He told you his phone number, and Steve and Clint offered theirs as well.

Natasha watched the exchange from the doorway, stone faced. Her chest felt tighter and tighter with every goodbye. When you turned to leave, she felt like she was about to implode. “I love you,” she announced.

“Umm, did she just-” Tony was silenced by the death glares he received from Clint and Bucky.

“Ever since you kicked my ass and tried to kill that arrogant bastard, all I wanted was to have a life with you.” She wanted to approach you, but stopped short where her friends were.

“Wait, someone kicked Widow’s ass?” Sam whispered. Bucky nodded. “Damn… you sure?”

“I was there. Now shut up.”

“We had the chance. Many, in fact. You let me down every time.”

“I know. And I know it’s going to take more than promises for you to believe me. I killed him, you know… the man on the deck? He had the same terrified expression. All I could do was think of you and smile.”

“Is this meant to be romantic?” Steve questioned, earning a warning look from Bucky.

You chortled, turning to face her. “I’d give anything to have seen that. Did he cry?”

Natasha nodded. “And peed his pants,” she jeered, causing you both to snort and Bucky to chuckle.

“Right, ‘cause murder’s always a fun bonding experience,” Sam muttered sarcastically.

“I’ll knock your ass out if you don’t quit yappin’,” Bucky cautioned. Sam put his hands up in surrender.

“Seriously, I need to leave. Bye, for the final time.” You turned and began to climb to the window. Everyone looked between you and Natasha, waiting to see if anything else would happen.

Natasha’s eyes stung and her throat tightened. Everything she’d tried to avoid by keeping away hit her at once, the force of it practically knocking her to her knees. “Come back to New York with me. Please. We can start over… I need you,” she begged.

Her words, and the stabbing sensation in your chest gave you pause. You shut your eyes and took a steadying breath. “I wouldn’t worry; you’ll have changed your mind by morning. At least I can spare you whatever bullshit excuse you’ll whip up this time.” Without a second glance, you pulled yourself through the window and out of Natasha’s life. For once, you were the one to walk away, yet the relief you expected never came. If anything, you felt like you’d been left out to dry all over again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“What took you so long?” Diamondback hissed as you approached the vehicle.

“Got held up. Let’s go.”

While you drove, Diamondback was in the back, swapping clothes with the body of a spy who matched her likeness. She stayed behind to prepare everything for extraction while you delivered and collected your pay. When you returned, you exchanged your own attire with that of the second body.

“Ready?” you asked, taking the scalpel. Diamondback stuffed her mouth with a handkerchief and gave a brief nod. “Alright, here goes.”

You felt around the back of her neck, feeling exactly where the tracker was placed. Ignoring her muffled screams as you made the incision, you worked quickly, knowing they’d be informed of her distress back at the Citadel. It seemed like hours passed by the time you removed it, and you were glad she hadn’t passed out. You cleaned the wound as best you could and dressed it, hoping it wouldn’t become infected.

“You have the antibiotics just in case?”

“Yeah,” she replied weakly. “Are you sure you don’t need any?”

“Nah, the enhancements I have prevent that kind of thing.” You waited for a moment for her to catch her breath before asking her to begin on you.

“What is that?” she asked. “Either my head’s ringing or…” she trailed off, eyes widening. “They know!”

“What? No, that’s not…” you tried to say, but then you heard it, too. The familiar hum of the Saucer.

Diamondback grabbed the scalpel and urged you to turn around. “Hurry!” she begged.

“No… there’s no time. You should go.”

“Y/N…” she sobbed.

“I’ll be fine.” You handed her her bag and grabbed the torch, setting fire to the bodies in the back. “I can at least buy you some time to get away, but you have to go  _now_.”

“I’ll come back for you,” she promised. “I’ll find a way to help you.” With a final embrace, she disappeared into the trees.

Taking a deep breath, you stuffed the handkerchief in your own mouth and turned the torch on yourself, searing the left side of your abdomen. With the vehicle now engulfed in flames, you grabbed your own things and took off in the opposite direction. It wasn’t long until the Saucer caught up with you, and seeing the angry and disappointed faces of your team, you knew you were going to be anything  _but_  fine. 

* * *

 

 

 ***** There’s a bit of a disagreement of what the line is. It’s written the way I have it up there, but when he sings it is sounds like  _“Tell me how much it hurts, my love”._ So if someone sees that and thinks it’s wrong, well, that’s the one I chose. :)


	12. Track 12 - Soul on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader must now face the consequences of her actions.  
> __________________________________________________________________________  
> Soul on Fire by Him
> 
> Addicted to our divine despair  
> The venom of the cross we bear  
> The guilt will follow us to death

“Where is she!?” Seth yelled again.

“I told you, she’s dead,” you made your voice crack as you insisted for the umpteenth time.

He was losing his patience, and it was showing. “Impossible!”

“I tried.” You turned on the waterworks and began to sniffle. “She… she didn’t make it out of the fire.”

“I don’t believe you,” he growled. He pressed your own gun to your burn, making you cry out in pain. “Where is Diamondback?”

“Seth, please!” you implored.

“I know you’re lying!”

“No! I’ve never lied to you!”

His livid expression broke into a wicked smile. “No? Care to explain this, then?” He switched on the projector, and on the screen were surveillance images of you perched atop the building adjacent to the Soldier’s flat in Bucharest.

None of the others would tell you why you were in restraints, and now you had your answer. You had tried to be so careful to avoid being seen, but in the end, it wasn’t enough. “Seth…”

“Cobra voted for banishment for your treason,” he informed. “He always was too soft on you. The others want your head.”

The receiver went off, your tracker relaying your rapid heartbeat.

“Relax,” he chuckled. “Cascabel is no more, but I’m not going to kill you. I’ve offered to gift wrap you for Hydra, but as it turns out, they don’t want you, either. Luckily for you, someone still finds value in you.”

He walked to the door and opened it, stepping aside as a bunch of goons filed in, weapons aimed in your direction. After the last one, a massive figure with a cigar stepped through.

“Hello, Mr. Fisk,” you smirked weakly. “It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Clint rushed off the plane, ignoring the agents, the medics, even Tony after touching down from his mission.   
  


“Woah, hey!” Tony followed after him. “Is that your blood? Because if it is, you need to see a doctor.”

“Not now!” he snapped. “Where are Barnes and Tasha?”

“FRIDAY?”

“Sergeant Barnes is in the kitchen and Agent Romanoff with Miss Maximoff.”

“Tell them to meet me in the conference room asap.”

Tony paused momentarily, growing concerned. “Clint, what’s going on?”

“Later. I have to tell them first.”

When he got to the conference room, they were waiting along with Steve. Natasha’s smile was wiped off her face when she saw the state of him.

“You should be in medical,” she scolded.

He put a hand up to keep her from fussing before turning to Steve. “Can you excuse us a moment, Cap?”

Steve nodded and stepped out to the hall with Tony. “Rough mission?”

“Seems so.”

“What’s that about?”

“Not sure,” he shrugged. “Came off the plane like a bat out of hell.”

Steve frowned, both men remaining quiet for a moment.

A crashing sound and loud thud brought their attention back to the others. Steve burst through the door, finding Bucky pinning Nat to the wall.

“YOU DID THIS!” he snarled.

“Get off her!” he commanded, running over to help Clint pry him off. “Buck, enough!”

He released her, but didn’t tear his murderous gaze as he shoulder bumped her leaving the room.

Natasha rubbed her already bruising chest and grabbed Clint to take him to the doctor before anyone could ask what happened. Steve sighed, but left to follow Bucky, leaving Tony behind to look over the damage of the outburst.

He found him outside, punching a tree with his metal arm. “What was that back there?!” he demanded, forcing his attention on him. “We don’t attack our own team!”

  
“You did for me,” he retorted.  
  
“That was different. You were innocent; a good person.”  
  
“She’s a good person!” He swung at the tree again, splintering a large chunk of it away. “She was a good person. Cascabel… she’s gone, Steve.”  
  
Taken aback by the news, it took him a moment to find his voice. “How?”  
  
“Guess they caught her tryin’ to escape. Barton heard some of the enemy agents talking; said she was found guilty of treason. The punishment is death.”  
  
Steve swallowed thickly, “Are you sure?”

“No one’s heard from her since.”

Steve felt his own chest tighten. Whatever you were, you wanted out. You’d wanted to change, and he believed you deserved that chance. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
“It’s Romanoff who should be sorry. She’d be with us if it weren’t for her.”  
  
He wanted to protest, but decided on a different approach. “Maybe you and Nat can help each other through it. She looked upset, too, Buck.”

He chuckled dryly, turning toward the trees. “If you see her, tell her to stay out of my sight.”

After Bucky disappeared into the forest, Steve decided to check on Nat, remembering how withdrawn she became after your departure. He found her in the hospital wing stood in a corner, brooding and glassy eyed as Clint got stitched up.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said before he could open his mouth. “Now, or ever.”

Catching Clint’s sympathetic look, he decided to head back to his room to wait for Bucky to calm down before approaching him again. Steve still didn’t know the extent of their relationship with you, but he knew neither of them would be ok for a while.

* * *

 


	13. Track 13 - Beyond Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader struggles with her new role  
> __________________________________________________________________________  
> Beyond Redemption by HIM
> 
> Feel it turning your heart into stone  
> Feel it piercing your courageous soul  
> You’re beyond now—redemption  
> No one’s going to catch you when you fall

Working for the Kingpin was pretty straightforward; when he wasn’t bragging about having his own specially trained assassin, he mostly sent you after business rivals, either asking you to ‘persuade’ them to agree to whatever terms he set, or remove them from the equation altogether if they refused. He’d done well enough on his own, but with you at his service, his status as a powerful crime boss was quickly rising far beyond New York.

You didn’t mind it much, relieving the world of its scum. What you did mind was the collar; a bulky, ugly thing implanted with sensors, trackers, and explosives; insurance to keep you compliant.

“Jorōgumo!” he shouted.

Grinding your teeth, you headed toward his office. “Boss?” You didn’t think being stripped of your Serpent title when you were excommunicated would affect you so much, and it was only made worse by the new one Fisk bestowed on you.

“I have a job for you.”

 _‘Obviously,’_  you nearly blurted. “The target?”

He tossed a newspaper to you, and you began to scan its contents, unsure of what you were looking for.

“J. Jonah Jameson. The editor in chief,” he added when he noticed your confusion. “I need you to bring him to me.”

“Kidnapping?” you scoffed. “You’re sending me to fetch civilians now?”

Fisk lifted the small remote, its taunting, blinking light mirroring the one on your neck. “You’ll do whatever I tell you. You’ve served me well thus far, so I’ll let you off with a warning.” It didn’t escape his notice that your collar showed no indication of distress at his threat. “He’s going to expose my pharmaceuticals scam,” he revealed as a peace offering. “I don’t know who else he may have told, or who might be watching.”

Then you understood; he was concerned about the vigilantes.

You’d already had a few run-ins with Castle, and he seemed to have developed a slight obsession with putting you in the ground. You couldn’t blame him, though. You took every opportunity to rile him up, taunting him as you ducked and dodged from every blow, every bullet. He was a game to you, and you made sure he knew it, constantly rubbing how much better you were at his job in his face. Castle was one of many threats to your mission, but he was the least of your worries.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It’d been quiet around the compound for too long. Bucky and Natasha retreated into themselves when news of your execution reached them. You’d been caught, and now you were dead, and it killed the others that the two couldn’t find comfort in each other. They couldn’t even stand to be in the same room. Natasha hated herself for driving you away, and Bucky didn’t hide the fact he hated her for it, too.

She was on her way to the gym to blow off some steam when she saw Steve approaching, looking too clean.

“Buck’s in there,” he said when he saw her. “Wants to be alone.”

Natasha gave a short nod and turned on her heel, heading back the way she came and ignoring Steve’s call. An alarm sounded, and FRIDAY announced there was an intruder on the property. Steve ran toward the armory for his shield, while Natasha made for one of the exits. She checked the surrounding area, finding nothing. When she found her way to the main entrance, she saw everyone except Steve and Bucky, weapons aimed at an unassuming brunette, her hands up in surrender.

“Please, I need to speak to him,” she said.

Drawing her own gun, Natasha sidled up beside Sam. “What’s going on?”

“She wants Barnes,” he whispered.

“How did you find this place?” Tony demanded, donning the suit. “How many are with you?”

“None. It’s just me.”

Tony snorted, “Yeah, right.”

Natasha took a good look at her, taking in every detail, scanning for any sign of deceit.“She’s telling the truth.”

The woman turned to her, realizing Natasha was her best chance at getting what she wanted. “It’s important I speak with the Winter Soldier.”  

“Why? Who are you?”

“My name’s Rachel Leighton,” she rushed. “I used to be called Diamondback.”

Natasha quickly took aim at her head just as the doors burst open.

“Buck, wait!” Steve called, tailing him.

“No Steve! Either she helped kill her, or she knows where to find the bastards that did!” His own weapon was turned on her, not caring that her body shook as he advanced on her.

“She’s not dead!” she blurted. “Cas… Y/N. She’s alive. At least she was when I last heard anything.”

“What?” Natasha gasped.

Bucky gaped, and Steve stepped forward, lowering his gun for him. “How do you know?”

“Where is she?” Bucky commanded at the same time.

“It took a long time to get in touch with someone trustworthy on the inside. He told me she’d been sold.”

“Sold? What, like a piece of candy?” Tony asked, removing the faceplate from his suit.

Rachel shook her head. “Like a weapon.”

“How do we know you’re not lying?” Sam asked.

“She’s not,” Natasha insisted. “She must’ve known we’d take revenge, and she risked coming anyway.”

“‘We’?” Rachel frowned. “I didn’t think you’d remember her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you only worked with her on that one contract. But you,” she turned to Bucky, “she spoke about you all the time while planning our escape. All those missions you did, it’s not surprising she thought so highly of you.”

Though Bucky was still angry with her, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling sorry for Natasha when he saw the way her jaw set. “So where is she?”

“The city,” she replied. “She belongs to the Kingpin now. He calls her-”

“Jorōgumo,” Natasha hissed. “I’d heard Fisk had a new toy. I should have realized.” She holstered her weapon and headed toward the doors.

“Where are you going?” Steve asked.

“To suit up. I need to see a lawyer about a girl.”

“I’m coming with you,” Bucky immediately fell in step with her, followed by Steve and Clint.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I’m going to kill Fisk,” you groaned, reeling after being knocked into a wall.

Just when you thought you’d found your toughest opponent in the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, in steps this kid with a similar ability to render your speed almost useless; only this one had strength the Devil didn’t.

“Are you ok? Please stay down, I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he pleaded.

“You’re asking me? What, are you out of that webbing already?” you taunted. He had grown frustrated throughout your fight that he kept missing. “You gotta be better prepared than that, kid.”

“I’m not a kid!” he protested in a high pitched voice.

“You need to learn to lie better.” You reached behind you for a shuriken, flinging it toward him.

He jumped, higher than any person should be able to, dodging your attack as easily as you’d been dodging his. “And you gotta be faster if you wanna catch me like that,” he teased right back.

“You need to pay closer attention.”

He cocked his head, clearly confused. “Huh?”

A smoke bomb went off at his feet, and he dropped soon after.

“Go home kid,” you whispered, your knife to his throat. “The next person may not be so generous.”

You weren’t sure how long the paralytic would last on him, so you didn’t waste any more time getting away. You kept to the alleys and in the shadows, sometimes doubling back. When you were certain you’d lost him, you caught a ride back to headquarters.

You didn’t know what you were going to tell Fisk. He’d made it clear he wanted the spider dead, but never in your life had you killed a child, and you weren’t about to start now. Sure, he was freakishly strong, and you were going to have a hell of a recovery period, but you were certain it was just a boy under the suit and mask.

Playing up your injuries as you entered the building, you decided on a half truth. You’d tell your boss the spider bested you and got away. You stepped out of the elevator on his floor, and were immediately grabbed by the guards. Though you were confused, you knew your head would be blown off if you struggled, so you only winced at the pain they inflicted on your already injured body.

Your mind raced, unable to recall a time the Kingpin was dissatisfied with your work. He had eyes all over the city, so maybe he already knew you’d failed your mission. When one of the guards apologized and slightly loosened his grip, you were even more baffled.

The guards took you into his office, and you froze at the scene in front of you. You were well acquainted with Vanessa Fisk, having served as her guard many times before. Though she put on a brave face, you could see the fear in her eyes. Your boss did nothing to hide his own worry as he pleaded with the man holding a gun to his wife’s head.

One of the guards cleared his throat, alerting everyone of your arrival.

“A deal is a deal, Castle. She’s here. Let Vanessa go.”

That was all you needed. Somehow, Frank had gotten to Vanessa, and he was sparing her life in exchange for yours.

“Tie her up,” Frank ordered. “And I’ll need the remote.”

Fisk didn’t dare look away from his wife as he handed it over. “Jorōgumo, you’re to leave with Castle.”

Vanessa sent you an apologetic look as the guards bound you. You smiled, trying to reassure her, but she looked away, almost as if in shame.

“Back to the elevator,” Castle ordered, backing toward it himself. “If any of your men attack me on the way out, they’ll have to face your- sorry, _my_  new pet first. And I’ll come back for her,” he gestured toward Vanesa.

Fisk nodded in understanding, pulling his wife into his arms as the elevator doors were closing.

“I won’t,” you said. “If they attack, I’m not doing a damn thing.”

He shoved you against the wall, his hand tight around your throat. “You will do what I say, or that pretty face of yours is getting splattered all over this elevator.

“Do it,” you gasped. “You don’t have the balls.”

He chuckled as he released you. “I’d love to shake the hand of the man who did this to you.” He pressed your swollen cheek, only stopping when you hissed in pain. You weren’t surprised to find the lobby empty, and Frank, with a knife to your back ready to cut your restraints, lead you through the back door and into the alley.

Now that Vanessa was no longer in danger, you weren’t about to let him take you.

“It wasn’t a man,” you said, hoping he’d take the bait.

“What wasn’t?”

“The person who did this to me. It wasn’t a man. It was a boy, maybe a girl, I don’t know, probably no older than 12.” Then you made him angry; you laughed. “A kid did what you couldn’t!”

“It doesn’t matter,” he spat. “I have you now.”

“Only because little Tom or Tina softened me up for you.” He opened the door to his car, and motioned for you to get in. “You needed a squirt to do the real work, God, it’s no wonder you couldn’t keep your family alive.”

It was a low blow and you knew it. But the fact that he hadn’t killed you, despite knowing how much he wanted to, was starting to worry you. If it was death or torture, you would ask for death in any form you could; even mocking his family’s tragedy.

He turned quickly, slamming the butt of his knife on your temple. Your vision blurred and you dropped to your knees. You could barely make out his livid face, shouting something you couldn’t hear over the ringing in your ears. After a second blow, you were consumed in darkness.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Matt couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You want to find the assassin, but you don’t want her arrested?”

“I can’t explain right now,” Nat sighed in frustration. “I just need to find her.”

“She’s important to you.”

Though it wasn’t a question, she answered anyway. “I owe it to her.”

He raised his brow at her, knowing that wasn’t all. “That’s not what I meant.”

“You’re right, she is important. She’s the most important person in my world.”

Clint smirked, while Steve and Bucky shared a look, confused over Nat’s admission.

“And you, Captain? How do you feel about criminals evading justice?”

“She didn’t want this life!” Bucky butt in. “None of us did! She wanted out, just like we did. The only difference is she didn’t make it. Not yet.”

Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, calming him. “She could have killed me, but she didn’t. She went against orders to keep Buck safe, and she helped a fellow Serpent escape.”

Realizing what he’d just revealed, he shrank back when the others sent him warning glares.

“Serpent?” He was met with silence, and it dawned on him. “Diamondback or Cascabel?” Again, no one spoke. “I’ve never met Cascabel in combat, but I heard she was quick. Jorōgumo is quick, too.”

Nat reached out, taking his hands in hers. “Matt, please. I need to find her. I need to  _save_  her. If you can look past my crimes, I ask you do the same for her.”

He knew she was keeping more from him, but as he listened to the desperation in his ex-lover’s voice, he knew he had to help somehow.

“I’ll help you find her. But if I get to her first, I can’t guarantee her freedom.”

Nat swallowed hard, but realizing it was the best she was going to get, agreed. “Thank you.”

* * *

 

 


End file.
